Grandma A

I spent the day with my Grandma today. She called me early this morning and asked if I could come over and help her do some things around her apartment. Plus she wanted to get her hair cut and wanted some company for the walk to and from the salon.

My Grandma has always been a source of inspiration for me. She is a very strong, active, healthy woman...or at least, until recently she always has been. She had a fall about 3 weeks ago. Nothing alarming, but falls don't need to be alarming to do damage when you are 89 years old. She felt dizzy afterward and her back was sore. And then things seemed to deteriorate from there. My dad ended up taking her to the hospital and spending hours with her in emergency.

She hasn't slept in her bed in weeks because her shoulder is so sore that she can't lie down comfortably so she props herself up on the couch to sleep. My sister took her doctor boyfriend over and he looked my grandma over and asked her a bunch of questions and assessed her. My sister then took my grandma to her Dr. appointment later that week and had all the info from her boyfriend to help out with. Although, apparently you never want to walk into a Dr.'s office and list off all the things that you have self diagnosed and are demanding. So she couldn't say "She needs this blood test and those x-rays and these medications." You have to hint toward them with enough info so that the doctor is the one figuring it out.

This sounds to me like how women describe successful marriages in books and movies. Always let the man think it's his idea and you can get anything you want. I guess it's the same with doctors...let them think it's their idea and you get what you want. So my sister played the game and got my grandma the x-rays and the heart rate monitor and the blood test.

I have talked to my Grandma on the phone every couple days over the last 3 weeks and she doesn't sound quite like herself, which is upsetting. And she has never ever asked me for any kind of help before so I was nervous driving over there this morning. She sounded tired and a little depressed on the phone and she just got straight to the point. "Hi, are you working today? I was wondering if you could come over and come with me to get my hair cut and do some laundry. I need to get some things done but am wary about doing them alone." I said 'of course' and headed over.

Nervous is maybe too strong a word for how I felt. Trepidation might be more appropriate. I haven't been in this situation before. I am the youngest of three girls with healthy parents, healthy grandparents (until recently), healthy aunts and uncles, cousins, even friends. I don't necessarily think of myself as a very helpful person. Although I'm never really called on to be helpful. When my other Grandma got sick, everyone else did everything to take care of her.

I'm the girl who leaves her drunk friends in cars or doorways because I'm not that helpful. I once walked away from an older woman who fell in a parking lot because three other people ran to help her. Yeah, three other people ran to help her but I can imagine her telling her story to her ailing, liver spotted husband later that night.

"Oh, yes, those three people were so lovely and helpful but that one girl...she just walked away. She pretended she didn't even see me fall and just walked away. Can you believe it? What kind of young lady doesn't help a frail old woman who's fallen?"

I suppose if I'd been the only one there I might have helped but like I said I've never really been put in the situation of having to be helpful.

I got to my Grandma's and it turns out I'm a superstar. We got her laundry done, her dishes done, her grocery shopping done. I opened and read her her mail, I answered her phone and talked to her doctor, I got things down off of shelves, I stayed while she napped because she wanted me there. I was happy to be there. I had more patience than I knew I had. I was calm. I was comfortable. I was ok with my Grandma needing my help and I was ok helping her. Granted it was small scale helping kind of stuff but we gotta ease me into it. I can't jump right into things I refuse to mention here. One day, but not quite yet.

I will talk to her more often and offer up my help more often. My Grandma needs me now and I am grateful to have the capability to help her. She has been an inspiration to me since I've known what the word inspiration meant and I will give back to her in any way I can for being such a good role model for me.