Monday 6 August 2007

It was all meant to happen exactly this way.

Something remarkable just happened to me.

Earlier this afternoon, I was feeling a bit bored and sick of being home. I had spent my morning, running to the bank and Tim Horton's and then drawing a new Cooptown for tomorrow and puttering around my place. I decided that it was time I got out of the house and did something, but I couldn't think of what to do.

I made a plan to go to Kinko's to copy Cooptown for emailing tomorrow and then head to the beach. I was going to find a great spot in the sun/shade and read some Jack Canfield.

To paint a picture of what goes on with Cooptown; I draw it following Cartooning standards of 7"x 7" and then copy and shrink it down to 40% to scan and email out. I generally take a few up to Kinko's to copy in one shot so I'm not running up there all the time. Today I just had the one though. I had actually drawn a variation of this particular Cooptown a couple weeks ago and had it all ready to email out for tomorrow but wasn't really feeling it. I wasn't sure about it when I drew it and in the two weeks since, it hasn't grown on me so I decided to redo it and change the concept a bit. I felt satisfied with the redraw and set out to copy and shrink it.

I usually like to go to Kinko's on (non-holiday) weekday mornings when I'm often just one of a few people there. I really like going to Kinko's, it's that whole paper, pen, copier, cutting, stapling, paper-clipping thing I've got going on. The whole trip to Kinko's today was a mild ordeal. By mild ordeal, I really do mean mild - there wasn't any parking, there were lots of people there and the copier I chose to use had grainy, beige paper in it, which wouldn't work at all. Of course I didn't realize the paper problem until after I had made a copy.

I moved to a different machine and re-copied Cooptown wondering the whole time if I was going to say something to the staff about the grainy beige paper and not pay for that one copy I made. I moved over to the cutter and trimmed both Cooptown copies and decided that it was only 10 cents and I could use the beige Coop for a magnet or something.

I paid, I left, I drove to the beach. I had my windows down and good music on and I felt like sharing my day with someone and not spending it alone. I called my sis to see if her and her boyfriend wanted to join me at the beach. They were doing their own thing and I felt a pang of envy that they had each other's company and a beautiful patio to sit on. Who needs the beach when you have a deck like that. My other sister and friends are either out of town or live an hour away. I decided to make the most of beaching it alone. It would be me and Jack Canfield.

I couldn't find any parking. The whole world decided to go to the beach today. I drove once all the way down the beach and once all the way back looking for a place to park. I was uber-aware that I was alone and I was feeling progressively sadder and sadder. I decided to cut my losses and head back towards home. I could walk down to the beach closer to home or find a park somewhere. As I drove home, I felt really lonely. I spent the day alone on Saturday and didn't feel lonely but today I was feeling alone and lonely. No fun at all. I fought off a tear and changed the music in my car to something more upbeat.

I got home, walked in the door and for something to do to keep me distracted, I decided to scan Cooptown into the computer and get it ready for tomorrow. I grabbed the envelope I had taken to Kinko's, opened it up and peered inside. There were my two 40% copies. One white, one beige. No original. Fuck.

I know I said I like to go to Kinko's but I really didn't want to go back. I stood for a second considering my options. I could call them, see if it's still there and have them put it aside for me. Or I could just go up there and get it. I should tell you here that I am cautiously possessive of my Cooptowns. I don't post them on here or my facebook page because you hand over the rights of what you post to Google or Yahoo or whatever company owns the site.

I decided to get it over with and feeling even more frustrated now, I ran back down to my car and drove back up to Kinko's. The whole drive I was trying to channel Success Principle #6 Become an Inverse Paranoid. The world is out to do me good. The world is out to do me good. The world is out to do me good.

The other and even bigger problem here is that I was feeling embarrassed about someone seeing Cooptown. I know I send it out to 60-something people every week but they are people who know me and either love me or have requested Cooptown. I send Cooptown out to my 'safe-list' of people that I trust to not make fun of me. I was worried that some stranger would find Coop and laugh at it and show it around Kinko's making fun of it. (I get that this is insanely unrealistic) I was afraid that I would walk into Kinko's to claim Cooptown and everyone would look at me and giggle behind my back at the grown woman who draws like a kid and thinks she's an artist and cartoonist. I am obviously harbouring some fears around Cooptown here.

There were parking spots this time and it was much less busy inside. I went to the copier I had used and opened it up. Empty. I asked the girl working there if anyone had turned something in. No one had. She asked what it was and I tried to sound confident as I said "a cartoon".

I walked back over to the copier and a man nearby asked if I'd lost something. I said yes and as he reached for a piece of upturned paper, he paused and asked "what is it?". Again, I tried to sound confident as I said, "A cartoon."

"This is it then." he said as he turned it over and handed it to me. I thanked him and started to walk away. He said "excuse me, I really like it. Could I maybe get a copy of it? You can use my copy card" and he reached out his copy card to me.

It took me a split second to make up my mind.
"Actually, I have an extra copy here." I reached into my envelope and pulled out the grainy beige copy and handed it over to him.

"Thank you. Are you the author?"

"Yes, I am."

"I'd like to meet you then. I'm so-and-so" He said his name and extended his hand.

I introduced myself and shook his hand and he said,
"I am writing a book and I would love to include this in it. May I?"

"That depends, what is your book?"

"I am writing about my life. The book is called Lost and Found and it is about how I lost myself in alcoholism and found myself again through AA. It is a day to day account of what happens in my life and I would love to include your cartoon in my book."

Cautiously Possessive stepped in and said "I am so glad you like my comic. I am going through the steps to get published myself and am not sure about the copyright for including it in your book."

"No problem, I understand. I appreciate you giving me a copy and will just keep it for personal use then. Thank you."

"Thank you too."

I had been so worried about someone finding Cooptown and not liking it that it hadn't occurred to me that someone would find it and like it. I didn't expect to find a 'moment' when I went back to Kinko's, but this stranger was open and vunerable with me. It was an authentic moment and it touched me. I had a tear on the drive home for entirely different reasons this time. I didn't feel so lonely after all. Success Principle #5 is believe in yourself. I think I finally got today that it also means believe in what you do.

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